Thursday, July 8, 2010

First installment of T.O.M. Dos and Don'ts from Wifey

Although I love and adore my husband, I believe his fantasy is just about the most unusual thing next to a leafy sea dragon. We have talked, contemplated, dabbled, disagreed, fantasized, and argued about having a threesome for many years now. Much of my hesitation stems from the fact that he is the only man I have ever been with and I am very reluctant for that to change any time soon, if ever. I am very picky about who The Other Man (T.O.M.) will be, so picky in fact that sometimes I think I might be being too picky in order to get out of having to do this thing at all. The few times we have come close to finding the right T.O.M., I, or we, have inevitably found something wrong with him or he has managed to ruin it for himself.

Most recently, we met a man six years younger than me. I had never even pictured the possibility of being with someone younger since even back when I had boyfriends before husb, they were ALWAYS older. This younger T.O.M., who I will call Tate to protect his identity, is also enlisted in a revered branch of the military and is set to be deployed soon (for the fifth time!!). My protective and patriotic side perked up at the idea of giving a heroic soldier a fond farewell before heading off to war. We ferociously texted each other back and forth for about a week before we decided to meet. We happened to be heading to his neck of the woods for a few days and I thought, "eff it! Let's just do this already!!" I had already bluntly asked some of my questions that help determine if I stay interested or drop the dude like a pair of panties on Sunday. One of my big ones is,
"How tall are you?"
"Tall. Tall enough to ride this ride!", was his response.
"Hmmm?", I thought. Nice answer, but didn't answer the question...oh, well, I'll find out eventually right?

Come to find out when we actually met in person that Tate was a good four inches shorter than me!! No good. No good at all. He hugged it out like I was one of his bros and his head came up to my collarbone. I am not a tall girl by any means but this guy had made comments about how much he wanted my legs wrapped around him. Little did I know that my legs would wrap around him only because he was so little!! I don't want to feel like I am crawling on top of a child. I want a man...a big, strong man...a man who can toss me about a bit. I felt like by not answering the question outright that he had lied to me. In retrospect, it should have been a big red flag that he never gave me a straight-forward answer. In the end, he also wasted our time because I am sorry to say that I have a lot of the control in this whole thing and I just DO NOT want a man smaller than me if/when this fantasy happens. So, to all the T.O.M.s out there, or perspective couples, if you have criteria and you ask about it, make sure you give and receive honesty from the get go.

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