Monday, August 23, 2010

Movie Review I

Well it sucks to report again and again, but there is still absolutely no news to report on our hotwifey journey. Unless you count a few dirty old men eyefucking the mrs. everytime she served them a drink at a catering job we did this week. In case that dirty old man is reading right now, um..., how can I say this nicely, but you ain't helping my hotwife cause by creeping the wifey out. FUCK! Look, appreciate, and then look away. My wifey is a bit like the sun, you don't want to over do it with either of them.

Butt. Since our hot-wife-life is d.o.a. right now, the wifey and I decided to try something a little bit different for this post; a movie review.

Before we get to the moive review, let me and the wifey say this right now, we are not racists. We voted for Obama and hell, we even like Spike Lee movies, but after watching this movie, we felt dirty. Really Dirty. At one point, wifey just shook her head.

So for our first movie review, the wifey and I watched:

Mandingo (1975)

First, this movie is some racist bullshit, but I've always heard about this movie, and the term, and well you know how that old saying goes,

"Curiousity killed the cuckold hubby,
but his wife's satisfaction brought him back"

Also, once I saw that one of my favorite actors from back 'n the day was in this movie, well, damn it! made it too easy to buy Mandingo along with my more mundane online purchases. Who is this actor? Wait for it. Wait for. Seriously, Wait.



It's your boy James Mason!

(insert cricket sounds here)

You know, from Lolita. The movie Lolita. Yeah nevermind.

P.S. I must confess to you, dear readers, that I was sort of under the impression that Mandingo was the type of movie that you would find on Skin-A-Max in the late 1980's, but in fact, I was wrong. Yeah! I know! Right?

Mandingo has very little sex and a whole lot more over acting. Actually, for a movie over 2 hours long, I would say there is more sex in a Matlock episode.

So the movie is about a young southern gentleman in the 1800-something-slave-plantation-mississippi-days. This gentleman, let's call him WhiteShadow, has a thang for the dark side of the moon if you know what I mean.

Well, WhiteShadow's dad, James Mason by the way, wants a grandchild. A lil'whiteshadow if you will. So Humbert Humbert, errr, James GrandWizard Mason sends his manchild son to NuOrleeens for some white lady to marry, but before he finds his piece of strange, WhiteShadow hangs with his cuz Charles.

I don't know about you but every Charles in this world is bound to be a sadist mutha and well a long story short, this Chuck is noooo different. He swings a belt like "the babe" did in the World Series against the Cubs. This upsets the delicate Whiteshadow. He likes a more pure woman to marry, and who does WhiteShadow marry you say?

Yep, his cousin, who is almost as pure as my own wifey. The cousin, let's name her Bat/Shit/Crazy, or just BSC, has only been with `1` other dude than WhiteShadow, but once WhiteShadow finds out that BSC isn't as pure as my own wifey was when I married her, well, WhiteShadow does what all men would do in this situation---he takes his slaves to auction.

Well, during his time away, BSC gets the "fever" and by "fever" I really mean she gets the fever all white wifey's go though at one time or other; the fever for BBC, and by BBC I really mean WhiteShadow's fightclub champion, Mede-a Mandingo, which is a BBC. See I told you this movie was deep. Balls Deep!

Well, while the young cuckold cracker is away, his horny wifey and mandingo will play. TeeHee

I don't want to wrong you all by giving the ending away butt let's just say it was your typical mid 70's hollywood plantation wife gives birth to a black baby, shit hits the fan, and someone gets boiled alive in a huge cauldron. Yeah. I know!!!


Hubby B+
(For a marlveous performance from BSC, but a phooey for making me and the wifey wait over 90mins for the BBC vs BSC in the marital bed of WhiteShadow and BSC. WooHOO!!!)

Wifey C
(Wifey was confused. A little unsure how she should feel about it. Hilarious over-acting by BSC but equally disturbing content.)

PPS-Bat/Shit/Crazy had only been with one other man besides WhiteShadow and Mandingo and that was that sadist bad boy FuckyChucky. Yep~I Know!

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