Sunday, January 20, 2013

HoHoHummer and What I Hope Is Sex

To Our Readers,

I've read a lot of mularky about how blogs are dead, and end of blogdays are nigh.  I do not like the sounds of that as I have always loved our time with each other, eventhough I will admit to not blogging a lot lately.  Sorry. 

I hope that not only will I recomitt myself to blogging more in 2013 but also I hope to pester Playfulwifey to blog more often too.

And even MOST importante...


A Very XXXmas Xmas 2012

Before we get to today, I would like to sum up last year a tittybit then we can move on to an already interesting 2013.  2012 was a great year for the wife and I.  I really felt like we are getting more and more comfortable with our adult selves.  We've been together for my own forever and I wouldn't trade one second of a minute with my badass wife, especially 2012; it was the tits! 

Sure you know everything about wifey's date with Adam, and our other 2012 adventures, but the rearending of 2012 is inspiring for an exciting 2013 to cum
(Wifey hates that pun or should I say cun?). 

What Dirty SantaWifey brought me...

1.  The best gift was without a doubt a hardcover picturebook of our dirty pictures we took at a fancypantsy hotel in the city a couple of years ago.  We've put a couple of these pictures on our twitter accounts, but it was very nice of SantaWifey to put all of those seen and unseen pictures into one of the TopShelf XXXmas Gift's of All-Time! (I Hope the good folks at ShutterFly enjoyed our art book)

2.  SantaWifey didn't stop there dear readers. Nope. There was Tres XXX MAS! Like a Jenga-Style sex game that was voted best sex game of 2011.  I look forward to publishing my review in a soon future post.

3.  Also a Very Interesting Gift of a How-To-Tie-Knots Handbook with Ropes included Giftbox.  I was once a BoyScout and liked to play with knots so maybe wifey remembered me telling her a story about my old days or maybe wifey was more hinting towards her more recent interest in a little of the BDSM thing.  I look forward to publishing my review in a soon future post.

4.  Lastly, almost in an apologetic manner, wifey handed me another How to Handbook, but its tone was more of a serious nature.  It seems my lack of skills at orallingusing the wifey has reached a different level, but I wasn't ashamed of my gift from wifey.  I have earned my ScarletLetter of P for my legendarily epic inabilities at eating Pie...wifeypie that is.  The best pie.  It's not that I'm not interested, I would spend the rest of my life licking my wife, but I'm lost in the translation from desire to action to positive reactions.  I hope to post my learning is progressing, otherwise who knows...maybe wifey will have to seek outside support.  That would be terrible (Sarcasm Implied).

What Dirty SantaHubby brought wifey...

1.  I guess last year was a record Orgasm year for wifey, I'm pretty sure it was, because it seems wifey had to bury PocketRocket#4 in the backyard last November.  The "Hubby's Little Helper" died in the line of duty one night right in the middle of a wifeygasm covered operation.  He served Her Majesty with all his might but it happens to all of us.  So SantaHubby got wifey a topgear new Holiday Edition PocketRocket#5.

2.  Speaking of New Toys...SantaHubby over did himself and probably pulled everything in his underwear lifting this G.D. gift, but wifey got a Shane Diesel 10" realistic Dong.  This thing is massive and makes my own shaft more of a shhht.  Wifey's previous toy, BigRick, is 8" and made me feel inadequte enough when I used the bathroom, so I can't wait for Shane's Toy's Sexeffect on my lovely wifey.  On a perverted sidenote, it was kinda cool that @shanedieselxxx himself thanked me for giving his lifelike penis to my wifey for XXXmas. I know, SexGeek

3.  Speaking of Shane Diesel...SantaHubby was most generous with pornography for wifey this year.  She hasn't had time yet but on her pornque is an:
  • InterActive WonderWoman Porno (Cuz Wifey is my EnterActive Sexy WonderWoman)
  • A 50 Shades Porno (Cuz Wifey gave two Nips up to the book threesome, like ever other dirty woman out there with a heater in her panties did)
  • A Richard Mann XXX Hotwife Porno (Cuz the 12" Penis Himself Follows my @PlayfulWifey on Twitter)
  • A Shane Diesel Cuckold Movie (Cuz wouldn't it be nice to roleplay a few scenes from that movie with a certain you know what, 10" toy, and a certain you know who, wifey,?).
On another perverted sidenote, one of these days I'm going to get drunk enough to post a "my real dick" comparison to "Shane Diesel's unbelieveable dicktoy" picture on twitter. (Why not, wifey's naked ass is on twitter and my BoyScout career is over).

4.  Speaking of large toys...SantaHubby also got my gorgeous wifey some other brand SPANKING new toys.  Wifey received the whipping end of a very jenky Cat-O-9 Tails' whip that was bullshit (Thanks Health and Beauty Department), butt only better was the 27" Riding Crop (Thanks Health and Beauty Department).

The 27" Riding Crop Hummer

What started as any other evening where I walked by wifey in the dinning room was turned into a once in a lifetime opportunity to receive a lights on blow job in the bedroom.  I really don't remember if we were drunk (likely) or if we were just bored (also likely) but out of nowhere wifey offered me my 1st BJ of 2013. And I took my tongue lashing like a man!

So there I was sitting naked on our marital bed from the waist down looking down at my cock while wifey returned naked from the livingroom with a couch pillow to kneel on; so she could welcome in the new year for me in comfort.  I remember being shocked how thick and happy my el presidente looked while he waited for the cabinet meating to cummence.  Usually, he has a "Not-So-Much" look at best, but this night he hung down over my swollen balls in a way I had never seen him behave before.  I suppose the lucky guy knew who/what was cumming for him. 

I don't though remember how I came into possession of the 27" Riding Crop butt it did come in handy very quickly once the bobbing began.

Before I spank out of hand...I can not to this day, after more than 15 years, think of anything more peaceful, relaxing, and amazing than my wifey's oral ninja skills on my thirdeyeblind and even better was watching her perform her best oral skills on Adam, Twice!.  Whereas I'm a complete putz with vagina in or near my mouth, the wifey is the Saint of Knocking My Wood Down to Size with her sweet warm special kiss.

Moving forward...Wifey began doing her thing with my thing and it arose like the mighty redwoods, though quicker and with more of a pinkish hue.  I remember asking her to stick her bottom out during her passionate performance, as she kneeled in front of me, and to my surprise she did just that.  Surprising myself, I dom-upped for a moment and started spanking her creamy white rear with the riding crop.  At first, I just lightly tapped her other side of the world, butt then I jumped on a mushroom or something because I DOM-UPPED even more as I pulled the crop back further and let the swats get harder and on that beautiful ass I married. 

I don't know what came over me, but I was enjoying the power of turning that crop lose on my loving wife's defenseless hind as I held the back of her head down on my now emmensely swollen other manhead.  Every time I spanked her she moaned, every time I spanked her harder she moaned louder, and every time she released her muffled moans louder it became harder and harder for me to hold back my own pleasure release.  Like a good LORD of ASS I was, because I was kind to the two fields, of now reddish lands, and began to pet the tingly areas with the crophead that had just weathered the assualt of the horsey tool of obedience.  I especially enjoyed sending the head of that crop along with the stick up and down the length of the separation of those two now tender fields.  Down the path past the Well of Intense Tight Pleasures, over the Sensitive BorderLand, to those Gates before the Cave of Warm Womanly Delights.

I held my ground troops back as long as I could the wood, but in the end, I was no match for the mouthy indulgences of my wifey.  She is the best wifey and I hope to have and to serve her always.

Ok...I haven't even told you yet what made that bj one of the best, if not the best of my life.  When wifey had finished me and even more, she stood up, took my hand in her own hand, and slid it up her beautifully cool to the touch snow white thighs, so I could feel her own excitement from giving me a top of the world head session.  Take it from me, that kicked some ass, feeling her excitement from giving me pleasure as it ran down her succulent legs.  FUCK I LOVE MY WIFE!

What I Hope Is Sex For 2013

I will miss 2012 and all the adventures the wifey and I had together.  Eventhough Adampoloza wasn't all it was Poloza to be, the build up to their date was intensely worth the dud the date turned out to be.  I'm ruined from a certain nearby mall because all I do once I'm there is talk about my wifey's date with Adam like it was my Vietnam. 

I can tell you it was still fun to sit outside on a beautiful summer afternoon in the car with the windows down and the radio up while wifey was in getting her nails done for her date that was later that day.  I can also tell you I don't think I've ever been able to get as hard without any physical stimulation, with just my wifey talking about what she hoped Adam would do to her.  I hope those and the many other positive 2012 sexperiences will lead to more and more fun, and just for fun, here are my:

TOP Five HOPEful Sexperiences For 2013

5.  Lap Dance For Wifey

       This was discussed for my last Birthday, but logistically didn't work out.  The plan is for the amazing wifey and I to go to a stripclub.  From there, the wifey shall choose a dancer who pleases the wifey.  The dancer then will be commanded to dance nakedly all over my wifey in a private booth.  The best part, is I get to watch the hell out of the dance production!

4.  Girls Night Out

        This has been one of my favorite ideas for awhile but again logistics and a somewhat vanilla extract has thwarted previous attempts.  The plan is for the gorgeous wifey to go out with some "wilder" type, but vanillalike, friends from college.  She hasn't seen them for awhile and they live a few million inches away, but I'm hoping to find a way to get the wifey and her friends back together for a night out in the city.  The wifey hasn't had any recent ladies' nights and she is due.  I really don't expect the wifey to fuck some strange penis in a Denny's parking lot, but it would be a lot of fun for yours truly to hear some new stories from the wifey college days.

3.  Hear No Evil

        This has been a lil something I've been kicking around in my delapidated headspace for a while now.  The plan is a bit expensive so it may take a good part of the year, but I've always wanted to fix up the spare room as a Hubby OverNight Room.  Basically, it would work like this, wifey would meet a large muscled and tall black gentleman with big hands and an even bigger schlong!  Maybe we have dinner together at the house, as a threesome, before wifey and her guest twosome to our bedroom for the night.  Leaving me with nothing to do but sleep in the Hubby room on the futon while the incredible sounds of unknown pleasures fill the house that I have to all to myself.

2.  See No Evil

        This is something that would probably not work for my wifey.  Due to years of working retail she no longer enjoys erotic experiences where she is wearing a blindfold.  But the plan I have is to put a sleepy blinder on my wifey and then open the hotel room for her serviceman friend we just met down in the bar.  At the bar, the wifey and I would meet this gentleman by accident and strike up a conversation.  Drinks and maybe some Tom Foollery under the table lead to wifey propositioning our active military hero friend that we just began telling dirty stories to.  Maybe our stories make wifey blush and GI Joe's sexy stories arouse things under wifey's clothes but sooner or later an offer is offered and accepted to have the married couple entertain the soldier of fortune in our hotel room.  Wifey would be nervous about being alone with a stranger but still not want me watching her, so with a moment of brillance from our officer and a gentleman, a sleep mask is purchased from Wal-Greens.  Wifey will get the reassurance that she is safe with a stranger while her husband is nearby and all the while the mask allows the wifey to fool herself to not knowing who is watching and who is doing more than watching to her.

1.  Tweet No Evil

        This is what the Adam should have been but even better because it includes twitter and everybody knows I love twitter.  The new and improved plan is a bit wild but who knows.  The wild is all around us sometimes.
True story, I came home the other day from work and wifey was telling me about one of her newer followers on twitter.  He is an older man and with easily more money than I will ever achieve.  This man tends to dote and spend money on certain hotwives that tickle his fancy.  The wifey and I have always had a perverted fantasy of her getting a sugar daddy who will give my wifey lots of gifts for her "attention" to certain details that are important to the sugardaddy.  I love the idea of some fancy pants fellow who isn't looking for a wife, but just a woman to wine, dine, and certainly sexualize.  I would not only seek this for my wifey, but when wifey started to tell me about the new follower, I was almost jumping out of my sweatpants in delusions of wifey was now in his sites for cash payments.  Who knows maybe someday wifey will get that daddy and I would love to sit on my cuckoldcouch at home and tweet my random thoughts while my wifey was twitting away while on a weekend date in some playland with her wealthy admirer who was also describing his sexperiences he was currently exploring with my willing wifey.  As long as he returns her as close to the way as I lent her to him, maybe even a little wetter than before, then Hell Yes Please Seduce My Wifey!

But if he didn't return her, and decided to keep her for himself, then I can assure this scoundrel that Liam Neeson will be playing me in the big screen adaption of what a horribly silly mess I made of the filthy lothario!



  1. I've never heard so much love from a longtime-married couple. I think you guys were made for each other.

    ..also the palate cleansing of having regular sexual experiences with other people might help a bit.

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