Waiting...

A few days ago Hubby and I went on a long, leisurely walk and started talking about everything from work to the grocery list to the meaning of life (not really) and of course to his fantasy. It was a beautiful day but cold day and we seemed to have the streets to ourselves. It was odd talking about his fantasy just out in the open like that but we may have hashed out some details. For example, we agreed that the previous times I have played with another man, Hubby has always been in the room and watched. It makes things awkward for all but it is HIS fantasy so HE should see it, right? We discussed the ways we have gone about trying to meet new "friends" and how any potential guy we have gotten close too has either blown it in some way or we know he won't be into our thing. So here is what we hashed out: Hubby assured me this was no trick just to see if I would cheat on him. Hubby assured me this would not lead to him wanting to sleep with other women. Hubby also suggested maybe next time, he isn't even in the room or a video camera could be set up to record the happenings. I told him I would ponder these things and we continued our stroll.

As we got home from our walk, tired and thirsty, we decided to mix a cocktail. As hubby handed me my drink, he said, "What if we contacted Adam again?" I felt like the clock stopped ticking momentarily as a flood of old thoughts and images flooded my mind. I thought about Adam's large muscular arms and how he was able to scoop me up with one arm so he could be on top of me as we made out that first time. I thought of how he ravished my body and made me forget my flaws for a few moments. I remembered how the second time we played around I was still not ready to have sex with him but he became so excited and lost in the moment that he tried to slip inside of me. He managed just the tip before I pulled back, but oh how I wanted to keep going! Why didn't I just keep going?!

I have been so hesitant about Hubby's fantasy for so long that I was shocked at how warm and tingly I felt about finally finishing what we started with Adam so many years ago. I have never actually pictured myself going all the way through with being with another man other than Hubby. I trust Hubby though and I trust that our love would remain strong after an event this crazy-sexy-scary. So we decided to send him an email to see if he would be interested in meeting. And now we wait. We wait and think and have sex because we are turned on like bunnies in springtime.